Well, if you need a nap, I give you ‘Underworld: Blood Wars’.

Underworld: Blood Wars stars, Kate Beckinsale (Love & Friendship, Pearl Harbor), Theo James (Divergent, Allegiant), Tobias Menzies (Casino Royale, Game of Thornes), Lara Pulver (Da Vinci’s Demons, Spooks) and is directed by Anna Foerster, making her feature film debut.

In this 5th instalment in the Underworld series, there’s a new Lycan leader, Marius (Menzies), forming a clan of Lycans to wipe out the Vampire covenant. Selene (Beckinsale) unites again with David (James) to fight off the Lycan clan and blah blah blah.

Similar to The Resident Evil film franchise, fans of the Underworld series mostly consider the films to be guilty pleasures but for me the first two Underworld films, were fantastic. I consider them to be two really good films and I have no guilt in saying so. The third film I liked but the fourth was horrendous. So despite having very little hope for the franchise to get back on track, I was excited to see Selene again and was curious to see where they would take the story. But after sitting through the most boring 90 minutes of my life, I no longer want to see anything involving these characters again!

OK, before we get to the long list of all the reason why Underworld: Blood Wars was horrible, I’ll first start with the positives, which were… non-existent. As a fan of these films, you would think I could find something to enjoy but as I sit down and write this review, I can’t think of anything. The one performance that stands out was Lara Pulver. She plays a vampire villain and was the only person on screen, who seemed like she wanted to be there and for what it’s worth, she’s not too bad to look at when she is.

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As for everyone else, they all sucked. Even Kate Beckinsale who is usually great in this role and is more than capable of putting in excellent performances (She was Oscar worthy in Love & Friendship last year), sleepwalks through this one. With the exception of Lara Pulver, the cast has no energy or emotion. When twists and plot is revealed to characters, there’s no reaction from the actors therefore I felt no reason to be connected to anything that happens. Theo James is useless, Beckinsale was completely uninterested and if anyone else wanted to give something that resembled a good performance, they were given no time to.

Story-wise this new Underworld offers up absolutely nothing. Although the film would like you to believe this big war is different from the previous ones, it’s not. A clan of Lycans want to kill a clan of Vampires, it’s the exact same as the previous film. In fact if I’m remembering correctly, in the last film there was a giant Lycan, so this ‘Blood War’ is actually a step down. You don’t really know why anyone is doing anything, for example the main Lycan villain wants to wipeout the Vampire’s but for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why. There’s another character who abruptly switches sides about halfway through, in a really jarring scene that made very little sense.

dude

But what about this new female director Anna Foerster, maybe she can be a woman to breakthrough the Hollywood sexism… nope.. She can’t. Underworld: Blood War is an awfully directed film. The action is hard to follow, it’s not shot well, she apparently can’t get a good performance out of anyone and whoever the asshole was who edited this film needs to quit working. Every scene had what felt like a thousand edits, resulting in no time for any scene to breathe, which didn’t help the already bad acting. Similar to the last Underworld film, this one ends very abruptly, to the point you don’t even realise the credit are about to start rolling. Overall this was just a terrible made film in every way.

You might think that I care way too much about this film and that I took it too seriously but for me I truly loved the first two films and was invested in this franchise. So now that it’s turned into complete shit, it frustrates me a lot. If you’re not a fan of the Underworld franchise, this one won’t sway you and if you are a fan, you won’t be after Underworld: Blood Wars.

1/10

Also, what was with that girl who walked around in every scene, looking like she was about to burst into tears?

crying-girl

Have you seen Underworld: Blood Wars and what did you think of?

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